Top Twelve Tips from a Fine Romance
By Judith Sills, Ph.D.
1.) Marriage is not a product. It is a kit. You don't buy it. You build it.
2.) You don't get a marriage when you get married, you get an opportunity to create a marriage.
3.) The commitment to be married is the heart of every successful marriage.
4.) The important question is not how much love there is at the beginning of courtship, but at the end of the relationship.
5.) The object of successful negotiation in marriage is compromise not winning. If you win & your partner loses, you both lose.
6.) In love there is no ‘truth in advertising'.
7.) Intimacy forces you to confront the question: "Will I still love myself when I see myself through your eyes?"
8.) There is no intimacy without anger.
9.) Elevate the conflict from the specific issue to the underlying problem.
10.) Beware of burying conflict vs. resolving it.
11.) Shift the emphasis from the outside to the inside to help control projection & distortion.
12.) If you are uncomfortable with anger, you are likely to completely miss your own hostility.